• Understand that changing a commitment phobic man is not easy and may require significant effort. Let’s face it, getting someone to change their ways is like trying to teach a cat how to swim – difficult! So before you dive into this challenge, know that it will take time and patience.
• Communicate openly with the man about his fears of commitment and try to understand where they stem from. Talk things out over some ice cream or beer (or both!) and really listen when he opens up about his fear of commitment. Understanding where these fears come from can help you address them together.
• Encourage him to seek therapy or counseling to work through his issues with commitment. Sometimes we all need a little extra help in life, including your partner who struggles with committing. Suggesting therapy isn’t an insult; rather, it shows you care enough for him to want him at his best.
• Be patient and understanding as he works through his fear of committing but also set boundaries for what you are willing to tolerate in the relationship. Patience is key here because progress takes time; however, don’t let yourself be taken advantage of either!
• Avoid pressuring him into making commitments before he is ready as this can exacerbate his fear and push him away. You’re dealing with someone who has been running away from relationships like Usain Bolt runs towards gold medals so pushing too hard could make matters worse!
• Focus on building trust and emotional intimacy in the relationship over time rather than rushing towards formal commitments like marriage or cohabitation. Remember Rome wasn’t built in one day nor was any long-lasting love story accomplished overnight! Take baby steps towards building trust first then move onto bigger things later on down the road.
• Consider whether your own expectations around commitment might be contributing to the problem such as if you have unrealistic timelines or demands? Are your expectations reasonable? Or do they belong more on The Bachelor show?
• If all else fails, accept that some people may never fully overcome their fear of commitment despite how much they care for someone else. It’s true; sometimes no matter what you do or say, the other person just isn’t ready to commit and that’s okay! Don’t beat yourself up over it because there are plenty of fish in the sea (or cats if you’re allergic like me).
• Encourage him to take small steps towards commitment such as planning a weekend trip together or introducing you to his friends. Baby steps lead to big leaps so encourage your partner with smaller commitments first before diving into something huge.
• Show him that committing doesn’t mean giving up all of his independence and freedom. Commitment-phobes often feel like relationships will trap them but show your man that this is far from the truth by allowing him space when he needs it while still being present.
• Be honest about your own feelings and needs in the relationship but also be willing to compromise and negotiate with him. Honesty is always key in any good relationship however don’t forget flexibility too!
• Avoid playing games or using ultimatums to try and force him into making commitments he isn’t ready for. The only game we should play here is Scrabble (and maybe Monopoly) – leave mind games out of love!
• Focus on building a strong emotional connection rather than trying to change his behavior through manipulation or coercion. Love can conquer all if both parties are committed emotionally so focus on building an unbreakable bond instead of trying tricks.
• Consider whether there are external factors that might be contributing to his fear of commitment such as past traumas or family issues? Sometimes our baggage gets in the way so understanding where these fears come from could help alleviate them.
• Recognize that changing someone else’s behavior is ultimately outside of your control so focus on being the best partner you can be regardless of how he responds. You have the power to control your own actions and reactions so focus on being a great partner who listens, supports and loves unconditionally.
P.S. You should check out these commitment phobia books at Amazon. (affiliate link)