• Commitment phobic manipulation refers to the behavior of individuals who use their fear of commitment as a tool for control.
You know that person who always seems to be running away from relationships and making excuses about why they can’t commit? Yeah, that’s the one. They might seem like they’re just scared of getting hurt, but in reality, they’re using their commitment issues as a way to manipulate those around them.
• These manipulators often have an intense desire for independence and may become defensive or hostile when asked about their future plans.
Commitment-phobes are like cats – they want all the benefits of having someone around (cuddles, attention, occasional treats), but if you try to put a collar on them or ask where they see themselves in five years…watch out! They’ll hiss and scratch until you back off.
• They may also engage in gaslighting, making their partner feel crazy or irrational for wanting more commitment than they are willing to give.
Gaslighting is basically psychological warfare. It involves twisting your partner’s words and actions so much that eventually, even YOU start doubting yourself. A classic example: “Why do you need me to say I love you? Can’t you just enjoy what we have without putting labels on it?” Ugh!
• Some common tactics used by commitment phobic manipulators include giving mixed signals, avoiding important conversations, and withholding affection as punishment.
It’s like playing emotional hot potato with these people. One minute they’re sending flirty texts at 2am; the next minute they’re ghosting for weeks because “work has been really stressful lately”. And don’t even get us started on how quickly things turn icy if THEY perceive any kind of pressure from YOU…
• Manipulative behavior can be damaging to relationships and should not be tolerated. It is important to set clear boundaries and communicate openly with partners about expectations for the relationship.
Look, we’re not saying that all commitment-phobes are evil masterminds who want to ruin your life. But if you find yourself in a situation where someone is making you feel anxious or insecure on purpose, it’s time to take action. Talk to them honestly about how their behavior makes you feel and what you need from the relationship. And if they still refuse to meet you halfway…well, there are plenty of fish in the sea (and some of them actually like being caught).
• Commitment phobic manipulators may use their fear of commitment as a way to keep their partner in a state of uncertainty and anxiety, which can be emotionally draining.
It’s like walking on eggshells 24/7 with these folks! You never know when they’re going to pull back or shut down completely – but one thing is for sure: YOU will always be left feeling confused and hurt. It’s no wonder so many people end up feeling exhausted after dating someone like this for even just a few months…
• They may also try to make their partner feel guilty or ashamed for wanting more commitment than they are willing to give, blaming them for being “needy” or “clingy”.
Ah yes, the classic blame game! If THEY don’t want anything serious right now, then clearly YOU must be the problem here…right? Wrong! Don’t let anyone convince you that wanting love and connection is somehow shameful or wrong. You deserve better than that!
• In some cases, commitment phobic manipulation can escalate into emotional abuse if the manipulator becomes increasingly controlling and coercive.
Let’s get real here – manipulating someone else’s emotions isn’t cute OR funny; it’s abusive behavior plain and simple. And unfortunately, things can get even worse if your partner starts using tactics like threatening suicide if you leave them or insisting that YOU’RE crazy/stupid/unworthy of love without them around. If you ever feel like your safety or well-being is at risk, please seek help immediately.
• It is important for individuals who suspect that they are being manipulated by a commitment-phobe to seek support from friends, family members, or mental health professionals.
You don’t have to go through this alone! There are plenty of people out there who care about you and want to see you happy. Reach out to trusted loved ones and let them know what’s going on – chances are good that someone else has been in your shoes before and can offer some perspective. And if things get really tough, never hesitate to talk with a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationship issues.
• With proper guidance and self-care strategies, it is possible to break free from the cycle of manipulation and establish healthier relationships based on mutual respect and trust.
Here’s the thing: YOU deserve love that feels safe, supportive, and fulfilling. And while it might take some time (and maybe even a few tears) to work through all the pain caused by manipulative partners…it IS possible! Surround yourself with positive influences; practice healthy boundaries; learn how to spot red flags early on in dating situations. You’ve got this!
P.S. You should check out these commitment phobia books at Amazon. (affiliate link)